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More Uses
For Your
Nat Mat™
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Tray mats |
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Counters where you use a lot of oil or have scratchy activities (like wine bottle opening) |
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Drawer liners |
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Table runners |
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Place mats |
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Floor mats (up to 3 feet by 3 feet) |
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Pet Jokes, Dog Jokes, Fish Jokes, Cat Funnies, Great Quotes about Pets, Etc. |
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog.
The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"
From Dr. Paul Palmer:Morty visits Dr. Saul, the veterinarian, and says, "My dog has a
problem."
Dr. Saul, "So tell me about the dog and the problem."
"It's a Jewish dog. His name is Irving and he can talk," says Morty.
"He can talk?" the doubting doctor asks.
"Watch this!" Morty points to the dog and commands: "Irving, Fetch!"
Irving, the dog, begins to walk toward the door, then turns around and
says, "So why are you talking to me like that? You always order me
around like I'm nothing. And you only call me when you want something.
And then you make me sleep on the floor, with my arthritis. You give me
this fahkahkta food with all the salt and fat, and you tell me it's a
special diet. It tastes like dreck! YOU should eat it yourself! And do
you ever take me for a decent walk? NO, it's out of the house, a short
pish, and right back home. Maybe if I could stretch out a little, the
sciatica wouldn't kill me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real
for all you care!"
Dr. Saul is amazed. "This is remarkable! What could be the problem?"
Morty says, "He has a hearing problem! I said 'Fetch', not 'Kvetch'"!
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Did You Know That ...
Cats in International Falls, Minnesota, are not allowed to chase dogs up telephone poles.
No dog may be tied to a shade tree in Birmingham, Alabama.
An ordinance in Belvedere, California, states "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."
Another misworded ordinance is this one from Arvada, Colorado: "If a stray pet is not claimed within 24 hours, the owner will be destroyed."
Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.
In Sterling, Colorado, it is unlawful to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.
In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
Cats living in Cresskill, New Jersey, must wear three bells to warn birds of their whereabouts.
A Fountain Inn, South Carolina, law once required horses to wear pants at all times. But carriage horses in Charleston, South Carolina, were required to wear diapers.
In Calgary, Canada, a by-law requires businesses within the city to provide rails for tying up horses.
In Winona, MS, it is illegal to drive a car on Main Street because it frightens horses.
In Wilbur, Washington, it is against the law for a person to "ride an ugly horse" - the fine is $300!
If you live in California, you cannot keep your chickens, turkeys, goats, cows, and other farm animals in an apartment.
In Cumberland, Maryland, you cannot keep your chickens with you in your hotel room.
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Legal vs. Illegal Pet Jokes
In Minnesota, it's illegal to tease skunks.
In Atlanta, it's against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or a street lamp.
Riding a camel on a highway in Nevada is against the law. Over in Galveston, Texas, it is against the law for camels to wander the streets unattended.
In Arizona, it is illegal to shoot or hunt camels.
It's illegal to take a deer swimming in water above its knees in North Carolina.
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Misc Pet Jokes & Funnies
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the mooovies.
What happened to the cat that ate wool.
It had mittens.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get some eggsercise.
Why did the cat love to play on the computer?
Because it saw the mouse.
Why did the cat bite?
Because it had just heard of catnip.
What do kittens like to put on their burgers?
Catsup.
What's a dog's favorite job?
A rufferee.
Why does a dog have so many friends?
He wags his tail instead of his tongue.
Great Quotes About Pets
Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
If your dog is fat, you aren't exercising enough.
Unknown
If a dog’s prayers were answered, bones would rain from the sky.
Turkish Proverb
Folks will know how large your soul is by the way you treat a dog.
Charles F. Doran
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Pet Book Review:
A Lucky Dog: Owney, U.S. Rail Mail Mascot by Dirk Wales, Diane Kenna (Illustrator)
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I love this book, not just because it won the Mom’s Choice Award for 2005, but because it’s a real story and it has maps: real maps along with crisp, energetic illustrations in the muted colors of yesteryear.
Introducing Owney, an abandoned dog who finds an open door on a cold night at the Albany, NY post office in 1887 and is allowed to stay. This was a time when mail trains delivered the bulk of the mail across the country, and one day, Owney jumped on the train to New York City. From then on, he became a regular mail train rider…all over the country. Some say Owney thought he was protecting the mail, and on at least one occasion he did. Mainly, he made friends all over the country and won medals and awards. His story is sweet, factual, and often has elements of suspense, such as the day he was impounded in Montreal for not having a Canadian dog license!
If you like trains, travel, dogs or stamps this a great book for kids as well as the child inside us all. Remember now, it’s a true story! |
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